Rejoicing in the Grief
Rejoice and grief are completely opposite words. I mean, you really can’t get more opposite than that. Yet the two can work in tandem during a grief journey. The last couple of months have been extremely difficult. Everything has felt rocky. My future, my mental and emotional health, my physical health, my faith. You name it. I have found myself asking questions I never fathomed. All of those times in my life I said, “Oh I’d never question my faith in that way…” Well guess what? You guessed it. I questioned and I questioned hard. Through tear-felt accusations and wondering if I could ever get out of the quicksand pull of grief, I questioned everything I knew about God. But there is one extremely important thing I have learned so far in my personal journey. God wants you to be honest. God wants you to share every feeling you are having, every thought that has crossed your mind. He wants you to fully trust every emotion, every tear, every word with Him. Here’s the thing, He knows every thought before you have it so nothing surprises Him.
When we ask God honest questions, He gives us honest answers. I have found that quite a few of those answers in my journey have been the words “Trust me.” At first I’d think, “Really God? With everything I am going through, all you have for me is trust me? Two words? That’s it?!” But here’s the truth…what’s more honest than that? I mean think about it. God knows everything. He knows the beginning, the end and everything in-between. He knows it all. So when I take my impatience out of the picture, that’s one of the best and most comforting answers I can get. I choose to trust an unknown future to an all knowing God.
So with all the grief that still overwhelms me, here is what I choose to rejoice in. I choose to rejoice in the fact that my beautiful baby girl is spending every moment with our Savior. I rejoice in the short time I had with her on this side of Heaven. I rejoice in knowing she will forever be a part of me and my future babies. And I will rejoice in knowing I will one day get to hold her and give her all of the love I so deeply wish I could give her right now.
Grief is hard and is so different for everyone. But we need to all fully embrace our own grief no matter how it looks. We need to embrace it in order to heal. We need to feel all the things and ask all of the hard questions. God is good. Even in the midst of sorrow. So while the months may feel dark and the days may feel cold, Spring is coming. New life is coming. Beauty will rise from the deepest of heartaches. So hold on, believe, and remember that all we need is a little faith. Afterall, faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.
